I have a confession to make. I have trouble believing. Ever been there? Believing that God will answer my prayers and will actually be there to pick me up when I fall. Faith is hard. Hope hurts. Yet all He asks of us is to believe and trust.
I have struggled so much with this. I know many say that they have too. It’s rather common. But I have fought believing and walked on my own not even bothering to ask for help. Why should I? Why should He help me? Forget it. I will get what I want and desire on my own. I don’t need His help. I believe that to get what you want you have to work for it and work hard. I am independent. It hurts my pride to ask for help. Pride goes before the fall though. Think about that.
What’s so amazing though is that God has not stopped believing in me. Shockingly amazing. No matter how discouraged I get, He always sends a hug or smile or sometimes a straight out “HELLO! I’m watching you!” my way. He loves me. Truly LOVES me.
I gave my heart to Jesus when I was 5. I knew what it meant and I was sincere. I was raised by a minister and knew all the motions and words to say and do. I have for years “served” God. But only just recently learned what it is to know Him. It’s sad really and as my cousin Lee put it ’embarrassing’ . (He is an amazing singer and worship leader by the way.) All of these years I have professed the name of Jesus and spoken of His love and Mercy but never truly grasped it or knew it as my own. I heard a long time ago that a song is nothing but words and music until it touches your heart and soul. It is the same with life. Until you experience God’s Grace, Love, and Mercy you don’t know it.
Back to believing…He is teaching me the power of faith and believing. I am believing for a miracle as many of you know. A sweet baby to call my own and to raise up. I am finally believing that God can and will heal my body completely. He wants to. Since I have started believing He has sent angels my way in human form (family, friends) to encourage and lift me up. It is a constant flow and He is using my body to speak to me. Every day is one faith step at a time. He is using my husband to minister to me as the priest of our home should. Together we are standing in agreement that our miracle is on the way and to further take those steps we are getting our nursery put together. I have known for quite sometime that God was calling us to do this. But Matt couldn’t. “I don’t need a daily reminder that the crib is empty.” he said. I understood so I didn’t push it. But after yet another confirmation from an unexpected source, there was no denying that it was time. “I think it’s still a little silly,” he said, “but why not?” Lets do it! One faith step at a time.
I want so much to share my entire testimony with you, my friends. But my testimony isn’t complete yet. It is nearing completion so be patient. It will bring such glory and honor to God that I stand in awe already. No I am not pregnant at this present moment. But by faith, my baby is on the way. Yea I know I sound crazy, but if you could only experience what I have in these past few months, you would understand. You would dance for joy and laughter would fill your soul. It has filled mine. 🙂
(The necklace was given to me by my sister-in-law Rachael Scott. Check her out on facebook: Polished Arrow