Dealing With Infertility And Loss Part 1


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Ok…so…I know there are tons of stories out there talking about infertility. But they are not mine. This is mine in short. To tell you all the details would be…excruciatingly looooong!

My husband and I have been married for 9 1/2 years now. We have tried to start our family for 8 of those years. We started early because I knew that genetically I had been handed down a set of fertility issues. Although my mother had 4 kids, there were problems conceiving at first. Lots of prayer and hope there. In 2005 or 06 I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). My mother had it so I got it too. It is a condition, while not impossible to get pregnant with, can be extremely difficult to get pregnant with. If you would like to learn more about PCOS look here: https://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.html. We had several rounds of fertility treatments which of course if you know or have had experience with these treatments can drive ya nuts!

This Stuff will make a loony!
This stuff will make ya loony!

I didn’t tolerate it well and so didn’t make it past the second treatment usually. No luck. This was an extremely emotional time for my husband and I. In the early Fall of 2009 my husband lost his job. Being that I would be the one to have to carry our finances for awhile we decided to wait on starting a family. It was to risky and scary. Two years later we were back on our feet and decided to try again. Once again no luck and lots of tears.

We sought out a fertility specialist finally and started new treatments. The first round didn’t work. I went in for another ultrasound the second time around and was told that my ovaries were quiet and that it was a no go. “We will go up a dose next month” the nurse said. I walked out discouraged and tears forming at the back of my throat.

Why? Why me? I have been raised with a strong faith in our Creator and a strong respect for prayer and how it works. I know it works! I’ve seen it with my own eyes. But for some reason when I pray about this I feel as though there is a wall between me and God. I have prayed my self into the Holy Of Holies I have all but seen the face of God! I know God hears me. But for some reason I feel or hear nothing about this from Him.

Tuesday September the 24th 2013 I woke up like any other day. I got a shower, got dressed like normal. As I was getting ready to brush my teeth I realized that I was late with my cycle. Nothing new about that but the week before I had been plagued with headaches. I had popped some Excedrine several times just to function they were so bad. I thought to myself that IF I was pregnant I was nuking this baby! I rolled my eyes at myself and grabbed a test. I knew it would be negative. So I calmly  went about brushing my teeth ignoring the stupid test that would only make my day bad. I took a peek and almost choked on my own spit! It was a big fat positive!

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